As we mitigate the external demands of modern life, our internal dialogue determines how we experience life and the extent to which we challenge ourselves. Bridging fear to find meaning in life is an eternal quest of daily presence and practise, but there are resources to fortify, and insights to empower our journey of discovery. Researching a breadth of historic wisdom in self discovery and service, author Emily Esfahani Smith, illuminates tangible, everyday opportunities for enrichment. Seeking happiness and enlightenment in the present is far more empowering and immediate than embarking on a pilgrimage or austere spiritual endeavour—investments of time and dedication not practical to all. A life of meaning is—as Emily reveals—less elusive, and far more obtainable than we realise.
The following is a guest piece by Emily Esfahani Smith.
Bridging Fear to Find Meaning in Life
Most people want to lead meaningful lives. And yet, there are many obstacles that get in the way of this goal. Technology, our addiction to success and prestige, and the fast pace of daily life can prevent us from honing in on what really matters. But one of the biggest obstacles of all to meaningful living is fear.
Over the last few years, I’ve interviewed dozens of people about what makes their lives meaningful for my new book The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life that Matters. One of the themes to emerge from my research was that leading a meaningful life can sometimes be stressful, difficult, and even frightening. Fortunately, though, there are ways we can overcome the anxiety and fear to find fulfillment.
The key is setting our sights on something bigger than ourselves—and bigger than our fear—to propel us forward.
Before going any further, it’s first important to know what the building blocks of a meaningful life are. In my research, I discovered four “pillars” of meaning: belonging, purpose, storytelling, and transcendence. When you ask people what makes their lives meaningful and consult the social science research on meaning, these themes emerge again and again. Those leading meaningful lives feel valued and cared for in their relationships, and they value and care for others; they have goals they’re working toward that involve contributing to others; they are weaving their experiences into a coherent whole, or narrative, that explains who they are; and they have experiences of self-loss and awe from time to time. We can all build up these four pillars to lead lives of depth and significance.
But sometimes fear prevents us from cultivating these pillars of meaning. Let’s look more closely at the pillars of belonging and purpose, by way of example.
Belonging requires vulnerability. In order to form a bond with another person, we have to put ourselves out there to let the other person know that he is valued. That other person can be a stranger standing near us at a party or a loved one lying next to us in bed. Reaching out can be scary because the other person could always reject us or respond to our bid for affection coolly.
But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t reach out. Rather, we should overcome our fear to strengthen the relationship. One way to ease into this is to remember that the other person is likely feeling vulnerable, too, and therefore is afraid to initiate the connection himself. Realizing that he is just afraid as you are can give you the courage to initiate a meaningful bond. Most people enjoy feeling like they belong, so chances are that this person will welcome your gesture. Even if he acts aloof, he will likely feel relieved that someone is treating him like he matters—which is a gift you are giving him, even if he doesn’t return the gift.
Keeping your sights set on others can help you build the pillar of purpose in the face of fear, as well. Identifying and pursuing a purpose requires venturing into an unknown future, like when we start a new job or have children for the first time. It also takes work. We have to sacrifice our immediate desires for the sake of some long-term goal. We don’t know what will happen as we head down this new path or even if we’re going down the correct one. But the one thing that can keep us going is remembering that we have a contribution to make to the world. When we set our sights on that higher goal, our fear doesn’t disappear but it becomes manageable and surmountable. We realize that everything we’re doing and feeling lies in the service of a larger cause, to help others, which is a worthy goal to work toward.
Living a meaningful life is not always easy or comfortable. It takes work and requires us to sometimes sacrifice feeling good in the moment to achieve something higher. But ultimately, overcoming our fear pays dividends. Not only will our life feel more meaningful when we build up the pillars in our lives, but we’ll also be making the world a slightly gentler and better place through our vulnerability and contributions.
About the Book
In a culture obsessed with happiness, this wise, stirring book points the way toward a richer, more satisfying life.
Too many of us believe that the search for meaning is an esoteric pursuit—that you have to travel to a distant monastery or page through dusty volumes to discover life’s secrets. The truth is, there are untapped sources of meaning all around us—right here, right now.
To explore how we can craft lives of meaning, Emily Esfahani Smith synthesizes a kaleidoscopic array of sources—from psychologists, sociologists, philosophers, and neuroscientists to figures in literature and history such as George Eliot, Viktor Frankl, Aristotle, and the Buddha. Drawing on this research, Smith shows us how cultivating connections to others, identifying and working toward a purpose, telling stories about our place in the world, and seeking out mystery can immeasurably deepen our lives.
To bring what she calls the four pillars of meaning to life, Smith visits a tight-knit fishing village in the Chesapeake Bay, stargazes in West Texas, attends a dinner where young people gather to share their experiences of profound loss, and more. She also introduces us to compelling seekers of meaning—from the drug kingpin who finds his purpose in helping people get fit to the artist who draws on her Hindu upbringing to create arresting photographs. And she explores how we might begin to build a culture that leaves space for introspection and awe, cultivates a sense of community, and imbues our lives with meaning.
Inspiring and story-driven, The Power of Meaning will strike a profound chord in anyone seeking a life that matters.
About the Author
Emily Esfahani Smith writes about culture, psychology, and relationships. Her work has appeared in the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, The Atlantic, and elsewhere. She is also a columnist for The New Criterion and an editor at Stanford University’s Hoover Institution, where she manages the Ben Franklin Circles project, a collaboration with the 92nd Street Y and Citizen University to build community and purpose across the country. She studied philosophy at Dartmouth College and has a master’s in positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. She lives with her husband in Washington, DC.
Connect with Emily Online: Website | Twitter | Take the Quiz
